Pearl 15 – Friends
- Offer a choice:
Not recommended: choose friends we approve of and play at home or choose friends we don’t approve of and never play at home.
Recommended: “Would you like to have friends that really test your decision making and thinking skills, or would your rather have some that don’t pressure you so much?
- Communication – if we stay in communication, our children will more likely choose friends that we like. P. 153-154
Pearl 16 – Getting Ready for School
- Decide which jobs are for the parents and which for the children. Responsibilities for children: “setting the alarm, waking up to the alarm, choosing clothes, dressing, washing, watching the clock, remembering lunch money and school supplies…”Responsibility for parents: “back up the school’s consequences for lateness.”
- Don’t remind – it robs the child to learn from natural consequences.
- Don’t rescue – No driving to school if they missed the bus. No writing excuses for tardiness.
- Don’t be angry – be sad with them as they suffer the consequences. P. 155-158
Pearl 17 – Grades and Report Cards
- Keep the responsibility where it belongs – with the child.
- Be involved in the areas where your child excels.
- Without emotion, but caring, “How are you going to deal with that math grade?” p. 159-161
Pearl 18 – Grandparents
Four Rules for Parent-Grandparent Interaction
- When together decide who will deal with the children – probably the parent. Any “advice” the grandparent gives to the parent should be without the child present.
- When a grandparent offers, unsolicited “advice”, the parent may request that the grandparent ask for the reasoning behind the parenting technique.
- Be sure all know the purpose of the visit. Parents and Grandparents may not expect the same thing.
- Set ground rules, such as: do not discipline the children in our presence, do not question my parenting skills in front of the children. Grandparents may want these rules: ask parents to handle needed discipline or they may ask the whole family to leave. P. 162-164
Pearl 19 – Homework
- Homework must remain the problem of the children.
- Parents must give them the opportunity to study (Let them choose the time, place and, if they want, help from the parents.)
- Allow them to choose to spend that time doing their homework or thinking about doing the homework. Ask them how the teacher will respond if they just think about it.
- Determine why a child is unwilling to do homework – the reason will indicate how a parent will respond and interact. If the child has a learning challenge, help will be needed. P. 165-167
Pearl 20 –“I’m Bored” Routine
- When a child says he is bored, he may be saying I want to spend more time with you.
- While parents need to spend time and play with their children, boredom is their problem to handle.
- Children need to learn to motivate and entertain themselves.
Pearl 21 – “Lying and Dishonesty
- When you catch a child in the act of lying something like this is appropriate: “Ken, you did hit Doug in the face. No matter what you say, I saw you do it. Now how are you going to make it right?”
- When you don’t know, but you suspect he is lying: “If it’s the truth and I don’t believe you, then that’s sad for both of us. But if it is a lie and I don’t believe you, then it’s double sad for you.”
- When the child tells the truth: “Thank you for being honest. I’m sure it was hard for you to tell me that…and it was hard on you to know you made that mistake That is really sad.” Then drop the subject.
- Children follow your example. Never ask the child to lie for you (“I’m not home.” to avoid talking to someone; making excuses for obligations). P. 170-172
Stay tuned for the remaining Love and Logic Pearls.