Cline and Fay continue:
Pearl 22 – Nasty Looks and Negative Body Language
- Often you may walk away from the negative body language.
- Other times you need to give the child an opportunity to express their feelings.
- Other times, if you notice a pattern, you might say, “I have noticed that when I say something like I am going to say you give me the “laser eye” – get ready because now I am going to do it again. Giving them permission takes away the desire.
Pearl 23 – Peer Pressure
- Peer pressure begins in our toddlers. We teach them to follow a voice outside their own head – ours. As they become adolescents they start listening to their peers.
- Better to give your children practice making decisions – small at first: Chocolate or white milk?
- When they reach adolescence – let them know that you are available to talk with them about their relationships. Let them know that you want them to be themselves – not their peers. Let them know that if they need to use them as the “bad guys.” “My parents would kill me….” If they want.
Pearl 24 – Pet Care
- Pet care provides a great opportunity to learn responsibility.
- One option: “I only feed 4 mouths.” If the pets are not fed by 5:00 pm, the parent can feed Mom and Dad and the two pets. Kiss your child and say that she will be missed at the dinner table.
- Another option: Find a new owner for the pets.
- Another option: Parent takes responsibility for the pets.
Pearl 25 – Picking Up Belongings
- One option: allow the child time to decide whether they want to pick of the toys or if they want the parent to pick it up and keep it.
- For fairly responsible children, you may allow them to earn back toys.
- For hard-core irresponsible children, you may get rid of those extra toys.
- Modeling is essential – what does the master bedroom or garage look like?
- Making reference to how you feel when you have accomplished a clean-up of your own.
Pearl 26 – Professional Help: When to Seek It
- Realize that seeking help does not mean you are a failure.
- After following the Love-and-Logic method and there are still big problems –seek help.
- If a situation is gradually getting worse over a period of three months, seek help.
- Professional help is not necessarily many long sessions; sometimes one session is enough.
Pearl 27-The Room: Keep It Clean
- Ask your child if it is reasonable to have his room clean by Saturday when the family plans a trip to the amusement park.
- When the child says he doesn’t want to clean his room, you can say that it is ok because he can pay someone in the family to stay home and babysit him.
- When the child says he doesn’t have any money, “When adults need money they sell something.” You can decide what to sell or I will choose what I want (or, of course, the child can clean the room.”
Pearl 28 – The Room: Keeping the Kid in It
- Adolescents will stay in their room all of the time, if we let them.
- Younger children will not stay in their room – if the reason is some fear or trauma – deal with that.
- If there is no other reason – you may want to leave the house for the night and get a babysitter who will reinforce the message that the child is to stay in his room during the night because the parents need a good night’s sleep.
- If there is a family with a similar problem – swap houses.
- Keep it positive – no “digging” comments.
Stay tuned for the remaining Love and Logic Pearls.